Imagine you are standing at the edge a cliff and you step off. You have a choice to trust that something will provide a way for you, or you can be full of fear and fall to your death. Trust. That simple word holds so much power. Take the image of the cliff and apply it to your walk with Christ. Some circumstances seem as if you are about to jump off a cliff. The beauty is that with God, our leaps of faith end in victory. When you take your step you can trust that God will provide another step for you right as your foot lands, give you something soft to land on, or give you wings to fly. And that's exactly what He did for me.
This school year was my first year to work full time, go to school full time, and live by myself. On top of all of that, my parents took their own leap of faith and moved to Pittsburgh to start a church. While they encountered many obstacles and many doubtful hearts, they can boldly say that God had His hands on every aspect of that move and is continuing to fulfill the promises and dreams He placed in their hearts almost two years ago. And then were was me. They, along with all of my siblings, were moving 1200 miles away and I was choosing to stay here to finish school. It seemed like the logical decision at the time. Plus, I've built a life here for almost 20 years. Why would I want to leave that behind? I'm comfortable here. Still, ever since I moved out and my family made their journey up north, something went missing. I thought it was just me missing them, so I pushed it aside. But even then, I still could not shake the fact that something was missing and there was more to it then the absence of my family. My life was pretty full to the brim between school and work so I didn't always have the time or energy to dwell on the empty feeling. That, however, became old very quickly. I was running around without an end and my life seemed like a never ending roller coaster. By the time the evening came, I was too tired from work to work on homework, but I couldn't not do it. When the weekends rolled around I had even less energy to do anything. All I wanted to do was sleep. I missed my friends, but I needed rest more than anything. And still, my rest was not as restful because I was anxious for something, anything, to end this never ending life of ordinary. I knew in my heart that there was more to what I was seeing. I prayed, and prayed hard, for God to show me what I wasn't seeing. I became so frustrated with my circumstances and I grew so distant from God. It was almost weird when I would pray because I had this feeling like this wasn't a good enough prayer. I spent many nights in tears begging for something to happen. I knew God was working, but I was ready for Him to move now. When it got to the point that I was going to accept this was how the next three years of my life would be, God moved.
One day my parents asked me to do something for them. Like any child would do when a parent asks them that I thought, "What'd I do..? Did I miss something? Am I in trouble?" (That happened once or twice when I snuck a cookie before dinner as a child:). When I was able to speak with them and ask them what it was, my step-dad said to give him a few minutes and let him pray about it and get things out on paper. Helps build up the suspense sitting there waiting for him to get back to me, right? A few minutes later, he emailed me and told me to call him after I read it. The moment I finished the first sentence, tears rolled down my face. I knew exactly what God was doing and I knew exactly what my parents were asking. In a nut shell, they asked me to pray about moving there in the spring. They prayed about who their worship pastor was going to be and the Lord said me. I, Kailyn Taylor, am being called by God to be the worship Pastor of Freedom Hill Church in Pittsburgh. They told me they were asking not as my parents to pray about it, but as my pastors. They said if heard from God this is the direction I need to take then what my parents heard was God. If I heard otherwise, they knew it was all about the process God was taking them through. I wasn't being pulled in one direction or another. I was truly left to rely on God for the direction I needed to go. In that moment I was reminded of something my step-dad said the year before after they visited Pittsburgh. He said, "You know, there is a job up there waiting for you. I don't know what it is yet, but God has something up there for you." At the time I kind of laughed and brushed it off my shoulder. Who knew God was actually being serious?! The next few weeks consisted of much prayer and asking for direction. I knew what I wanted to do, but I needed confirmation from God that I was moving to Pittsburgh. I knew when times got hard, I would need a word from God to lean back on. It definitely did not come in the manner I thought, but needless to say I got my word and everything was confirmed when I went to visit my family in Pittsburgh for Christmas.
I'm not going to lie, a had my fair share of doubtful moments. Singing was never something I pursued. I participated in choir and professional voice lessons all throughout middle school and high school, but I was no professional singer. And I would get super nervous. Every time you say you sing to someone they ask "Oh! Will you sing for me?" That freaked me out! I was so fearful they wouldn't think I was all that good or I was afraid my voice would crack and I'd sound awful. So I eventually stopped sharing that part of my life with people. But when I worshipped, nothing was stopping me. I didn't care who was around or who heard me. I was singing to my God and He deserved every note that left me. I would pray, "God just once...I want to experience what it's like to lead worship. Just once I want to lead people into Your presence where they can be intimate with you and celebrate with you." Those were my "closet" prayers as I would call them. After I said amen I wouldn't think about it again until another month or so. It was after I realized I was moving to Pittsburgh that God heard every single one of those prayers. And He kept saying, "Oh just you wait baby girl."
Since I have been back from my visit over Christmas, God has reminded me countless times of when I was about to move out in September, He spoke to me and told me He was leading me into the wilderness. It was from a message Pastor Stephen spoke at Seven. The verse he read was Hosea 2:14 which says, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak to her tenderly." The New Living Translation says that he will win her back. I knew in that moment it was going to be me and God for a while and something big was going to happen. It wasn't until recently I realized that all those times I was frustrated and hoping for something more God was moving in me and drawing me closer to Him. He was leading me into the wilderness so He could speak tenderly. Now I see why. He was preparing me for something big, my next big step. He was preparing me to move to Pittsburgh and become the Worship Pastor for Freedom Hill Church.
