What a crazy ride. Life can be extremely unpredictable. But does that stop us from living it how we want? Absolutely not. Don’t let the pressure overwhelm you. Don’t let the hurt in your life keep you down. God has opened my eyes so much since my last post. My heart got broken, and then healed again by God. I’m God’s girlfriend. And no guy in my life can ever take His place. I’ve gotten a chance to see what it’s like to live as a big family. My mother is getting married late May. Not only will I get a step-dad but also I’m getting 3 new brothers and a new sister. It’s difficult; I will admit that, but it’s also really cool to see things from a different point of view. I’m used to the house being quiet, I’m used to getting the seniority attention. I’m used to having my voice heard over anyone else’s. Now, I’m still the oldest, go me:), but I have 5 younger siblings below me that need the attention more than I do. In all the chaos, I still have those lonely feeling moments. Those moments where I just feel alone. I know I’m loved. I know I’m blessed and have the support of my friends and family, but sometimes I can’t shake that alone feeling. Like something’s missing. And it doesn’t help not being able to get out for a bit like I want to. I’m alone, trapped with the chaos around me. I want to be alone with quietness around me. Just God and me. With my music of course:) In highschool wanting to feel loved and needing a guy, or girl, in your life may seem like everything. Trust me, I’ve felt that. Sometimes I still miss having that, but it’s not. Girls, face it, guys are stupid. And they’ll do anything to prove that. Without even knowing it. Guys, girls run off of emotions and every little thing you say to us. We know that we do that. But we’re fragile. We may act all tough sometimes, but we’re not. Far from it. In a household, the guy is the one who’s protective and tough. Girls are the loving sensitive ones. Well it’s true even outside the household. But who remembers that before opening their mouth? Hmm? Do you? Because I don’t. In all honesty, I do not think about the feelings of a guy before I open my mouth. Not trying to sound rude or even inconsiderate, but you do it too. We all do it. And we wonder why we get so hurt when someone says the wrong thing. Or breaks up with us. It hurts. So why put yourself through the hurt? I’m just gabbing right now. Random thoughts coming out left and right. I’m emotionally stuck right now. I’ve lost friendships that I wish were still there because of relationships. No, I don’t regret dating the guys that I did, but I miss the friendships that I got out of them. Most of them aren’t there anymore. It’s sad. Some of you know exactly what and whom I’m talking too. Since my first boyfriend in 8^th grade. Crazy ride. But I’m just at the beginning. I realized I think so much about the next season of my life and wanting to get there so badly, I can’t even appreciate or enjoy what I have now. I sit and ask myself, “How much did I miss?” “How much could I have missed if I realized that later?” I’ve finally started to enjoy now. And worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. I can’t control what happens. I can hope all I want, but I can’t control. So why not enjoy? A lot of people ponder over that. Not only me. It’s hard to be “stuck” at home when I want to get away with my car sitting in the driveway. I don’t have my license yet so I can’t leave whenever I want. But I’ve found use for my time. I spend it with God:) after all, I am His girlfriend:)