I love how even in my brokenness I can run to the Father and feel His presence.  He gives me joy and peace.  Even after I let the enemy steal it away from me, God calls me His daughter and gives me restoration. Now that's what I call love.
For the past week or so I have felt dry.  Nothing but dry.  I'd pray, I'd worship, I'd fellowship with my classmates, but I just felt dry.  I knew it was something in my heart that wasn't right.  Every sermon and lesson in class and message in chapel lead up to the very moment I had today.
This morning in my Biblical View of Worship class, Zach Neese was, once again, rockin' what the Holy Spirit wanted to do in that class.  We read 5 or 6 passages in Revelation about and the praise that is happening all the time in Heaven.  Then during break, a good friend and I went to the little lounge to get some coffee.  Another one of our classmates was in there and we got on the subject of the Holy Spirit and Ally shared her experience with the Holy Spirit to our classmate.  After she left, he and I got to talking and we both were saying how lately we've just felt dry.  I felt like the Lord wanted me to tell him it wasn't going to last much longer, then I realized "Whoa..." Not only was that a word I needed to receive myself, but I had just felt the Lord wanting me to tell someone something.  Like REALLY felt Him.  Which is something I haven't felt in a while.  After break was over, we got back into class and Zach continued his lesson.  I don't exactly remember the context, all I remember him saying was that "If there's a feeling of dryness it is probably an issue of the heart." Or something along those lines.  That's not exactly what he said, but that's the basic gist of it.  It hit me like train.  I've been missing the intimacy with God that He's been longing for.  The real, deep, consuming intimacy that creates that connection between God and I.  It's been non existent lately...no...honestly, I don't think I've ever truly gotten REAL intimate with the Lord.
I've been on the verge of tears since Monday when the pile of school work, work, and just life practically quadrupled on me. Today I gave up.  I knew I couldn't go one more second.  I put worship music on and I just fell. Through tears I prayed to God and told Him I couldn't do it alone anymore.  I've been trying so hard for a while and it's not working...obviously.
It wasn't some consuming, lost my breath completely kind of feeling. But I felt peace. More peace than I have felt in a long time. I just felt this presence...His presence.  It was just....peaceful. I don't now how else to describe it.  Now, as I sit here and write this, I know that I can do it.  I can get the work done, and go to work, and tackle life without trying to do it by myself.
It's ironic how sometimes I pray to God and ask Him for help, yet I still try and do it by myself. Literally 2 minutes after I pray.  Crazy, huh?! This time is different. This time I refuse to let the enemy take the joy, the peace and the love that God has given me. Jesus conquered death for me so that I may live! So let it be! I will live for Him and in His name because He showed me more love than anyone ever could.  He died for me.  And so for that, I live every day, every minute, and every second for Him.  Even amongst my troubles and my work and school, I'm doing it for Him.
AND it happens to help that I'm going to probably THE best bible school on the planet:) I am truly blessed for that.
Thankyou, Jesus.