Leap of Faith

Imagine you are standing at the edge a cliff and you step off.  You have a choice to trust that something will provide a way for you, or you can be full of fear and fall to your death.  Trust.  That simple word holds so much power.  Take the image of the cliff and apply it to your walk with Christ.  Some circumstances seem as if you are about to jump off a cliff.  The beauty is that with God, our leaps of faith end in victory.  When you take your step you can trust that God will provide another step for you right as your foot lands, give you something soft to land on, or give you wings to fly.  And that's exactly what He did for me.
This school year was my first year to work full time, go to school full time, and live by myself.  On top of all of that, my parents took their own leap of faith and moved to Pittsburgh to start a church. While they encountered many obstacles and many doubtful hearts, they can boldly say that God had His hands on every aspect of that move and is continuing to fulfill the promises and dreams He placed in their hearts almost two years ago.  And then were was me.  They, along with all of my siblings, were moving 1200 miles away and I was choosing to stay here to finish school.  It seemed like the logical decision at the time.  Plus, I've built a life here for almost 20 years.  Why would I want to leave that behind?  I'm comfortable here.  Still, ever since I moved out and my family made their journey up north, something went missing.  I thought it was just me missing them, so I pushed it aside.  But even then, I still could not shake the fact that something was missing and there was more to it then the absence of my family.  My life was pretty full to the brim between school and work so I didn't always have the time or energy to dwell on the empty feeling.  That, however, became old very quickly.  I was running around without an end and my life seemed like a never ending roller coaster.  By the time the evening came, I was too tired from work to work on homework, but I couldn't not do it.  When the weekends rolled around I had even less energy to do anything.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  I missed my friends, but I needed rest more than anything.  And still, my rest was not as restful because I was anxious for something, anything, to end this never ending life of ordinary.  I knew in my heart that there was more to what I was seeing.  I prayed, and prayed hard, for God to show me what I wasn't seeing.  I became so frustrated with my circumstances and I grew so distant from God.  It was almost weird when I would pray because I had this feeling like this wasn't a good enough prayer. I spent many nights in tears begging for something to happen.  I knew God was working, but I was ready for Him to move now.  When it got to the point that I was going to accept this was how the next three years of my life would be, God moved.
One day my parents asked me to do something for them.  Like any child would do when a parent asks them that I thought, "What'd I do..? Did I miss something? Am I in trouble?" (That happened once or twice when I snuck a cookie before dinner as a child:). When I was able to speak with them and ask them what it was, my step-dad said to give him a few minutes and let him pray about it and get things out on paper.  Helps build up the suspense sitting there waiting for him to get back to me, right? A few minutes later, he emailed me and told me to call him after I read it.  The moment I finished the first sentence, tears rolled down my face.  I knew exactly what God was doing and I knew exactly what my parents were asking.  In a nut shell, they asked me to pray about moving there in the spring.  They prayed about who their worship pastor was going to be and the Lord said me.  I, Kailyn Taylor, am being called by God to be the worship Pastor of Freedom Hill Church in Pittsburgh. They told me they were asking not as my parents to pray about it, but as my pastors.  They said if heard from God this is the direction I need to take then what my parents heard was God.  If I heard otherwise, they knew it was all about the process God was taking them through.  I wasn't being pulled in one direction or another.  I was truly left to rely on God for the direction I needed to go.  In that moment I was reminded of something my step-dad said the year before after they visited Pittsburgh.  He said, "You know, there is a job up there waiting for you. I don't know what it is yet, but God has something up there for you." At the time I kind of laughed and brushed it off my shoulder.  Who knew God was actually being serious?! The next few weeks consisted of much prayer and asking for direction.  I knew what I wanted to do, but I needed confirmation from God that I was moving to Pittsburgh.  I knew when times got hard, I would need a word from God to lean back on.  It definitely did not come in the manner I thought, but needless to say I got my word and everything was confirmed when I went to visit my family in Pittsburgh for Christmas.
I'm not going to lie, a had my fair share of doubtful moments.  Singing was never something I pursued.  I participated in choir and professional voice lessons all throughout middle school and high school, but I was no professional singer.  And I would get super nervous.  Every time you say you sing to someone they ask "Oh! Will you sing for me?" That freaked me out! I was so fearful they wouldn't think I was all that good or I was afraid my voice would crack and I'd sound awful.  So I eventually stopped sharing that part of my life with people.  But when I worshipped, nothing was stopping me.  I didn't care who was around or who heard me.  I was singing to my God and He deserved every note that left me.  I would pray, "God just once...I want to experience what it's like to lead worship.  Just once I want to lead people into Your presence where they can be intimate with you and celebrate with you." Those were my "closet" prayers as I would call them.  After I said amen I wouldn't think about it again until another month or so.  It was after I realized I was moving to Pittsburgh that God heard every single one of those prayers.  And He kept saying, "Oh just you wait baby girl."
Since I have been back from my visit over Christmas, God has reminded me countless times of when I was about to move out in September, He spoke to me and told me He was leading me into the wilderness.  It was from a message Pastor Stephen spoke at Seven.  The verse he read was Hosea 2:14 which says, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak to her tenderly."  The New Living Translation says that he will win her back.  I knew in that moment it was going to be me and God for a while and something big was going to happen.  It wasn't until recently I realized that all those times I was frustrated and hoping for something more God was moving in me and drawing me closer to Him.  He was leading me into the wilderness so He could speak tenderly.  Now I see why.  He was preparing me for something big, my next big step.  He was preparing me to move to Pittsburgh and become the Worship Pastor for Freedom Hill Church.

Ever been in that stage of life where you are being pulled in a million different directions? If you answered no, please tell me your secret.  If you answered yes, let me say that you are not alone.

Right now, I'm in one of the most transitional times of my life that I have ever been in.  College is definitely not high school. Although amazing, it takes more than a semester to get the hang of things.  I am about to possibly take on a third job, my parents are moving in about 4 months which means so is Kailyn, and don't even get me started on my non-existent Prince Charming waiting for me at my door.  Despite all these transitions and responsibilities that are coming my direction, I have never felt more peace in my life.  That, my friend, is the hand of God holding on to me.  By myself I'd probably be crawled under a rock somewhere eating 3 pounds of chocolate a day.  But He's got something different planned.  Everything circling around me is a part of the destiny God has for me.  Even things down to a simple label some random stranger on the street puts on me.  My response to that label shapes my tomorrow.  Prince Charming? Please.  I have THE Prince of Peace.  HE is my Prince Charming.

When I said you're not alone, I meant it.  And I didn't mean that I was in the same boat.  Although true, I meant that you can have the same peace that I am feeling.  It's not a first come first serve kind of deal. You want it? Seek after it.  Seek after HIM. And you'll get that peace, but it doesn't stop there.  You'll get the release of not having to know everything or what and how to do things.  Step back and trust the Lord and all you have to do is listen for His voice.  Let Him take care of the rest. One of the most quoted verses, other than John 3:16, is Matthew 6:33 which says, "Seek first the kingdom of God and and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."  It may not look exactly how you want it to, but let's be real here.  What ever does look exactly like you want it to? Most of the time, things turn out better than you thought they would.  Even among the hardest circumstances, you'll look back and say it was worth it.  What you gain will be because of what you went through.  All because your surrendered your will to His.

It's like a relationship.  It's an everyday thing you have to work at.  Married couples, am I right? I'm not married, but I know it's not sunshine and daisies all the time.  You have to surrender yourself everyday for that person. Same with a relationship with Him.  Surrender.  Work at it.  It'll be hard at times, but let me tell you it is worth it.  Every day I have to work at my relationship with God.  Everyday I have to willingly surrender my will to His.  Matthew 6:21 says, "Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." When you seek Him and surrender your everything to Him, those desires you begin to feel will be His desires.  He has put them in you for a reason.  And He will awaken them when it's time.

I'll ask the question again, but this time I'll ask it a different way.  Have you ever been pulled in a million different directions, but felt perfect peace? That is God's peace.  The direction(s) you're following are all apart of the ultimate direction He is guiding you to.

1 Chronicles 16: 11 "See the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!"

Giving God Control

If the past couple of months has taught me anything, it's to release control to Him.  I'm the type of person that isn't necessarily controlling, but I have a certain way of doing things, and I like them to be done that way. If not, I'll deal with it, but not with the best attitude.  My 4th strength is adaptability, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.  When something is wrong, I try to fix it myself.  I don't like to burden people by asking for help or go to them will all of my issues when they have other things they have to deal with.  Since my dad died, I've been pretty self sufficient.  And I realized that was the root of why I didn't like to burden people.  I developed this sense of fixing things myself when difficult times struck and that way no one else would have to worry about anything and I can just deal with all the trouble.  But I've learned lately, that that isn't the best way to go about doing things.  I believe God puts trials in our path that is humanly impossible to overcome by ourselves because He wants us to ask for help.  He wants to help us. It falls back to trust.  He wants us to trust Him enough that no matter what heartache comes our way, we can trust Him to help us even though we have no idea what the next 10 minutes will hold.  I've learned to let go of that.  I'm not the best at it, and He still has to remind me to release control and let Him work, but I am getting better.  Since I've done that, I have seen Him move.  I used to never be content with the season I was in.  Always wanting the next one to come around so that I could get to the next growth stage and maybe then my life will start rolling.  But it just kept getting harder and harder.  It wasn't because life itself got harder.  It was because I never fully grew to the the complacency God wanted for me in the previous season of life.  It's crazy how time can go by so fast, but seem so slow in the midst of things.  I see that now, but I'm okay with it.  Looking around at what God has put around me, I've seen His hand upon everything.  I look at the friendships I have developed and the education I'm in the middle of.  I look at the authorities over my friends and me.  And I see how much they care.  Yes, I want to get married, start a family and finally start the job of my dreams, but I finally am willing to wait.  I've seen so much happen in the present that I know without it, my future won't be the same.  This time won't last forever.  And I don't want to miss a single thing that God is doing.  I don't want to miss the opportunity to speak life into someone.  I don't want to miss the opportunity to se God's hand paint the picture of life.  I want to embrace everything now.  Good and bad.

I encourage any of y'all who are struggling with this.  You're not the first and you most certainly are not the only one.  There is a whole group of us going through the same thing that want to encourage you and build you up.  It isn't an over night thing.  It's taken me a few roller coaster rides of giving something to God, taking it back, the giving to Him again.  Sometimes it would happen a good 3 times a day.  But I encourage you no matter how many times you take it back, always give it to Him.  Don't stop giving it to Him because you think you'll always take it back and never get a grasp on this whole control thing.  Keep giving it to Him.  No matter how many times a day you have to do it.  He will bring you peace and rest.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

As a blogger, you are always thinking of different things you can write about when you go about your day.  Whether it be something funny, serious, or completely irrelevant, when you're a blogger it happens naturally.  The question "How can I make this into a blog.?"  Often crosses your mind.  But if you're anything like me, we can't force it.  Some people blog every day and never repeat the same sentence in all their posts.  I, on the other hand, am a repeat blogger.  It just happens.
I've had a stirring to want to write for the past week or so, but nothing has come to mind.  When that happens I usually jump around to different blogs and read a few posts.  Sometimes it's almost like a secret club, blogging.  You use the "blog lingo" for example: "Oh your layout was BEAUTIFUL." Imagine if a random gymnast walks by and the person with a great layout was a 6 foot 4 inch muscular man.  Try flipping that over in a straight layout position.  Not easy. But that's not to point.   It's like a club.
Today after a bit of blog jumping I got a text from my mom.  She was at my brother's football game and she sent me a picture of the half-time show the  little cheerleaders did.  It was a cute little dance to a mix of songs.  Now, some know this, but eight years ago I WAS one of those little cheerleaders doing a cute little dance to a mix of songs.  The video she sent me was so cute it almost brought tears to my eyes!  Talk about bringing back some memories!  Unfortunately thought, I was not one of the cheerleaders that knew what she was doing.  Granted we were all little kids, so nothing was perfect, but I was the tallest one, so I stuck out and a few of my movements were a little crazy.
This may be one of those "completely irrelevant" posts, but it goes back to the fact that you can't always just write everyday.  Something has to trigger you.  The video definitely triggered me.
Although it wasn't my greatest time as a cheerleader, I did have fun and I experienced something new.  Did I think I was going to be the next Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader?  Oh goodness no.  But I learned something about myself.  I learned something that I didn't want to keep doing and now I know.  But the memories are still there and that I am grateful for.  So I guess my question to you is this:  What memories do you have that you can look back on and smile about?  If you're having a not so great day, I encourage you to think back on those memories.  Make yourself smile and turn your day around.  Or encourage someone else to do the same.  I've often found that encouraging someone else ends up making me smile.  I challenge you with that today.  Make someone, or yourself, truly smile.
And have a wonderfully blessed day!

I love how even in my brokenness I can run to the Father and feel His presence.  He gives me joy and peace.  Even after I let the enemy steal it away from me, God calls me His daughter and gives me restoration. Now that's what I call love.
For the past week or so I have felt dry.  Nothing but dry.  I'd pray, I'd worship, I'd fellowship with my classmates, but I just felt dry.  I knew it was something in my heart that wasn't right.  Every sermon and lesson in class and message in chapel lead up to the very moment I had today.
This morning in my Biblical View of Worship class, Zach Neese was, once again, rockin' what the Holy Spirit wanted to do in that class.  We read 5 or 6 passages in Revelation about and the praise that is happening all the time in Heaven.  Then during break, a good friend and I went to the little lounge to get some coffee.  Another one of our classmates was in there and we got on the subject of the Holy Spirit and Ally shared her experience with the Holy Spirit to our classmate.  After she left, he and I got to talking and we both were saying how lately we've just felt dry.  I felt like the Lord wanted me to tell him it wasn't going to last much longer, then I realized "Whoa..." Not only was that a word I needed to receive myself, but I had just felt the Lord wanting me to tell someone something.  Like REALLY felt Him.  Which is something I haven't felt in a while.  After break was over, we got back into class and Zach continued his lesson.  I don't exactly remember the context, all I remember him saying was that "If there's a feeling of dryness it is probably an issue of the heart." Or something along those lines.  That's not exactly what he said, but that's the basic gist of it.  It hit me like train.  I've been missing the intimacy with God that He's been longing for.  The real, deep, consuming intimacy that creates that connection between God and I.  It's been non existent lately...no...honestly, I don't think I've ever truly gotten REAL intimate with the Lord.
I've been on the verge of tears since Monday when the pile of school work, work, and just life practically quadrupled on me. Today I gave up.  I knew I couldn't go one more second.  I put worship music on and I just fell. Through tears I prayed to God and told Him I couldn't do it alone anymore.  I've been trying so hard for a while and it's not working...obviously.
It wasn't some consuming, lost my breath completely kind of feeling. But I felt peace. More peace than I have felt in a long time. I just felt this presence...His presence.  It was just....peaceful. I don't now how else to describe it.  Now, as I sit here and write this, I know that I can do it.  I can get the work done, and go to work, and tackle life without trying to do it by myself.
It's ironic how sometimes I pray to God and ask Him for help, yet I still try and do it by myself. Literally 2 minutes after I pray.  Crazy, huh?! This time is different. This time I refuse to let the enemy take the joy, the peace and the love that God has given me. Jesus conquered death for me so that I may live! So let it be! I will live for Him and in His name because He showed me more love than anyone ever could.  He died for me.  And so for that, I live every day, every minute, and every second for Him.  Even amongst my troubles and my work and school, I'm doing it for Him.
AND it happens to help that I'm going to probably THE best bible school on the planet:) I am truly blessed for that.
Thankyou, Jesus.

Can I first start off by saying, WOW! What a challenge! I mean I knew college would be hard, don't get me wrong, but it's nothing like I've ever experienced, so I had no expectations of what it would be like.  It's stretching me to new limits I never thought were there and it is bringing out a whole new side of me.  Some of the good things that have happened are the content of the classes and the material that is being presented to us.  Never in a million years would I ever have thought I'd get the privilege to go to school for the one thing I'm passionate about, and that's Jesus Christ.  But here I am.  A classmate made the comment today in my afternoon class of "How is this school?" But the awesome thing is, it IS school! For us at least!:) In every single one of my classes, one of my "text"books is the bible.  I have read my bible more in the past 2 and a half weeks than I have probably ever in my life.  Which is sad to say on some parts, but exciting all at the same time:) It is challenging though.  I've never had so much reading, assignments and focus on an education before and I'm having to learn how to balance and juggle the different things in life.  But with God's grace I'm doing the best I can do.  And I wouldn't change it for the world:) No matter how difficult it is:) I'm praying for all of y'all.  Even with all the craziness going on right now, I pray any struggle you face the Lord makes His face to shine upon you.  I pray that any issues you have are resolved and that He is KNOWN in your life. Be blessed!

Wow, just wow! Those are seriously the only words I have for this journey so far.  God is so freaking amazing! TKUG is unlike any college I could ever have experienced.  All the years that I've been dreaming of what college life and class would be like are nothing compared to what I'm actually living. First of all its small, and I know it will grow, but I like the fact that it's small at the start.  Makes it more personal and easier to connect to people.  And every class, no matter what it is, is biblically based.  We either open or close in prayer. Or both! I love it! It was a total God things how the timing of posting this blog happened too.  I was going to do it a few days ago, but couldn't log into my account for some reason.  And it just so happens that I was able to log in after the school ate lunch together in our student lounge (yes, we're that small for the time being).  It was SO fun to talk with everyone and really fellowship and connect! Within the past couple of days I have made so many incredible friends and this is the time where I will find friendships that will last a lifetime.  I think that's one of the reasons why I've been so excited for college.  To meet new people and really connect with them on a level I have never been able to do in previous years of school.  I wish I had more to say, but God has been so faithful and blessed me and all of my classmates with TKUG.  He leaves me speechless.