Remember back in July when I had talked about being God's princess?  And how at some point we all struggle with the "OMG WHERE IS HE ALREADY?!" question?  Well, today is one of those days for me.  It hits at random times and not in a bad way.  It almost make me laugh!  Actually, it DOES make me laugh!  Sometimes I wonder, why in the world am I so worried about this?  First of all, God is SO in charge and He will not NEVER back down on a promise that He has given me, or anybody else.  And Second, I'm still young.  Very young.  I haven't even hit 20 yet why is this even such a big deal?  I should be more focused on college, right?  Yes, but it's still there, lol.  Last night I remembered at my kindergarden graduation as we 'walked across the stage' we had to say what we wanted to be when we grew up, and what did I say? "When I grow up, I want to be a mommy." I still remember the pregnant lady in the front row about lose it.  Things haven't changed.  I have such a big desire to be a wife and mom that you'd almost think my dream job is to be a stay at home mom! In a way it is, but it goes beyond that.  If there was a school called "Future wife and moms in the making university" I'd be there in a heart beat.  But as I said a while back ago, God is in control.  He's got me (just like He's got YOU) in the palm of His hands.  Romans 2:28 says He will work everything out for our good.  That's not only a promise, but it's truth and a declaration that we have the most incredible God who can do ALL things who also is so deeply in love with us, we can't even bare it.  But that's also why we have Him:)

Future husband,
I pray for you and think about you everyday.  Whether you're reading this or not, I am.  I pray God gives you provision and guidance.  That He's directing your steps and that you're making the right decisions.  Wherever you are, I pray for your safety and for those around you.  Don't ever let anyone tell you you're less than amazing because God has called you for miraculous things. (that goes for EVERYONE out there not just my future husband. God has called YOU so get up and go!)

Ladies, the wait is worth it.
Men, the wait is worth it.

God's strength and grace is upon us all for the things we cannot do.  And He is with us every second of the day.  Especially the ones we don't think we can make it through.

Well friends, I am so close. So, very close.  But I'm not there yet.  I am registered for classes and start in 20 days.  I have no idea why I've always been on of those huge dreamers about my future, but God sure does.  And in a matter of 3 weeks, one of those dreams will finally come true.  It feels so surreal.  This is where it begins.  The chapter in life where I start to leave the nest, I gain all this responsibility (that I'm strangely excited for:)), and start my life.  My journey.  Everything that has lead up to this very moment has made me who I am.  I do not regret one bit of it.  Some days I can't wrap my mind around it.  It still almost feels like a dream.   Everyone has already stated school.  All of my college friends, m younger friends, my siblings, public school, high school, everyone has started this new year.  Except my TKUG friends and me.  The next 3 weeks will fly by and drag on all at the same time.  I pray that things go smoothly.  I have this vision, this dream, in my head of how I want, hope, things will go and I know they'll go exactly how God wants them.  Which isn't always how I want them to go, but it'll be right.  Because He's in control.  I am taking the classes I wanted to take the moment I saw them on the course schedule.  My weekly schedule isn't crammed, my work schedule works perfectly with it, everything is falling into place.  God....man, He's just incredible.  I am blessed beyond understanding.  I have no words other than thank you.  To everyone, but most importantly to Him.  Other dreams I pray to come true soon are still there.  Ha, very much so.  But college is proof that God makes our dreams come true.  At least the right dreams:).  It's just crazy to think my life and journey of adulthood and everything after that is start in 3 weeks.  I am nervous and excited all at the same time.

Curveballs

Life is hard.  And full of curveballs.  Unfortunately, we never know when those curveballs are headed our way.  But without those curveballs, we'd never appreciate the good times.  Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't be sad or cry or have bad days.  That is probably one of the biggest lies ever.  After going through a tragedy, random little things trigger that emotional hurricane that comes over you.  As time goes by, it becomes less often, but it never goes away.  And I think God does that for a reason.  If you're hurting, hurt.  Don't fake a smile and cover it up.  Be the real you.  Let it out.  That was probably the best advice anyone ever gave me three years ago.  So now I'm saying it to you.  Don't hide what's inside to be strong.  Real strength comes from growing through the pain and letting others in to help you with that.  Be YOU.  And just let it out every once in a while. 

Hello loves.  Today I hope everyone's day is going great.  Today, mine hasn't been the best.  It hasn't been dreadful, which that I am thankful for, but it still wasn't the best.  Today was just one of those days where I didn't feel 100 percent and I felt like I just wasn't getting anything right at work.  I was able to keep a smile on my face and do the best I can, which is better than giving up and feeling even worse, but it was as dandy as a beautiful sunny day.  BUT! God is still in control.  He didn't promise everything would be perfect all the time, but He did promise it would be worth it.  I'm sure y'all have had days like today, if not, please lets have coffee and you can tell me your secret.  I want y'all to know that even through the not so great days, there are still blessings.  Like I said before, it wasn't a dreadful day.  The sun has shined today and no one has walked away in tears.  Those are a few of the blessings that I got today.  And I know there are more, I just need to give the day to the Holy Spirit and He will guide me the right way.  I encourage you to thank God everyday before you even step out of bed for you waking you up that day and invite His presence in.  I don't do it every day like I need and want to, but the days I have done that have really made a difference.  I've been praying about this for a while and decided on putting my email up on here.  I don't want someone to read this and think all hope is lost and they have no one and not be able to talk to someone when they feel no one else is there for them.  I am praying for you.  And I am here.  But most importantly, God is here.  You are not alone.  My heart is just so set on that and I don't want anyone feeling alone.  Tomorrow is a new day and today is full of blessings.  keketay1@gmail.com

An Unforgettable Freedom

I am speechless.  Words cannot describe the experience I had at Kairos.  Everything is still sinking in.  First I want to start by saying that NOTHING is impossible with the power of God.  Seriously.  Not only did I learn so much I hadn't known before, but I also gained a more in depth understanding of the things I did know before.  Like going back to the basics.  Sometimes we learn them and they're hammered in out brains.  But do we really understand them in our hearts? Or do we just know them in our minds?
If I were to have worn socks, God would have knocked them off.  I felt a whole new level of freedom that I wasn't sure even existed.  Through Kairos, God brought me to parts of my heart and memories that I had completely forgot about, but were holding me back from so much.  Things I had issue with now were because of things that had happened when I was younger.  How the two connected I had NO clue.  But God did.  And now I do.  Not only did He help free me from so much, but now that I know how I can be free, with God's help, I can do it in my own bedroom!
Freedom isn't about where it happens, like an event.  Although that helps, freedom is all about God and the heart.  After all, He was the one who did all the work.  The volunteers and workers at Kairos were there to help us get on the right path.  Not to say after going through Kairos, I never need it again. No.  As human beings, we were made to live in community.  To have that corporate time of worship and fellowship.  But now that I have the tools that I need, I can be more aware of the lies that hold me back, and breaking the ties and living FREE.
One of the biggest things that God did was give me the comfort I need.  I not only felt His comfort, but we did and exercise where the Kairos team gave us father/mother hugs.  And man did that strike a cord.  You don't realize how important something simple as a physical hug is until you don't have it anymore. I've gotten many hugs from many different people in the last 3 years.  But feeling a hug from a team member that represented a hug from my dad meant everything to me.
Freedom starts with you and God.  He will take you to places you may not want to go.  But let me tell you, it is worth it.  So worth it.  I still feel the affects from Kairos and I almost don't know how to wrap my mind around it.  That's probably a good thing.  I'm willing to stay like this if I know God is moving.  And I know He is.
This makes me ready to start college.  Spetember 17th, HERE I COME!!!
My prayer is that you find freedom of your own.  For/from whatever it is.  If you feel alone and like no one cares for you, I want you to know that I do.  And I am praying for you.  Keep your head up high, precious child of God!

God's Talents for You

Recently, I've discovered something about myself.  I love to paint.  I've always had that desire in my heart.  Going to museums or art galleries and seeing all of the beautiful colors perfectly placed in a picture.  I always thought, "How cool would it be to create something like that from MY own two hands."  Then one day, I just did it.  I'm not as bad as I thought! My mom started painting after feeling that same desire, so she decided to take some art classes and go for it.  After stopping the art classes and just following what God wanted her to do, she has done so much.  Her art is beautiful and she paints such miraculous pictures that God has showed her.  I wanted that same thing.  She inspired me to just go for it.  I haven't taken a single art class in my life, not including the REQUIRED ones from grade school.  An artist isn't someone who takes art classes their entire life and makes artistic things.  An artist is someone who expresses what is in their heart.  Whether it be painting, drawing, or even singing.
I had always wanted to do something great.  To find my niche.  I thought it was singing, and as much as i took lessons, joined choirs and did recitals, it just didn't happen for me.  That's not to say I am a bad singer, it's just not the things God wants me to do right now.  And I am totally okay with that.  Because I found painting.  When I paint I can get lost in what I'm doing and the music that's playing.  I completely shut out the outside world and I just let God guide my fingers and strokes.  Even if my end result is a completely black canvas, I expressed what was in my heart and I feel the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.

If you're feeling like you just haven't found what's made you YOU yet, don't give up.  I'm 18 years old and I just now found painting.  In 5 years I could find another talent God blessed me with.  Whether you're 5 or 50, God has blessed you with an AMAZING talent that only you can accomplish.  He has given you that talent because everything that you have experienced in life up to this very moment will be shown through your talent and everyone will know you because of it.  God gives everyone a talent special for them to accomplish in their life because His plan is written that way.  No one else can complete that specific thing, at that specific time, with YOUR specific life experience.  Otherwise it wouldn't be YOUR special talent.  It would be theirs.  Don't give up.  I pray you find your niche.  As hard as it is, have patience.  He will open your eyes when it is right for His timing.  I pray strength and patience over you today.

Perspective

Perspective. It's way way we look at things. How we see what's around us. How we perceive them. Like the clouds. Say you have a group of 5 people all looking at the same cloud in the sky. They play everyone's favorite game. Making pictures out of the clouds. Each person's different perspective reflects how he or she sees that particular cloud. Just a few minutes ago I was looking at a cloud and saw two different things. When I first looked at it, I saw a puppy with his little tongue sticking out. He was looking up. The more I focused in on it, the more I saw a different picture. A lady, of royalty, was laying down. Her hair was gently laid out all around her and she was wearing her crown. When I came back to reality, I realized that right before I saw the lady in the clouds, the line "You lay me down" from a song I was listening to by Hillsong had just played. After looking away for about two minutes, I looked back and the cloud was in a different place with different shape and pictures.

Perspective is all around us. The question I thought of today is does what we're feeling and think affect how we view different things. Absolutely. If you are really hungry and craving a pizza, random things that take the shape of a pizza may look so similar to it, you'll want to eat it. Our perspective on life is the same way. If we're happy and have not in our hearts, we'll tackle the day with a smile on our faces. But if we have harder hearts, the day will seem as gloomy as ever.

This concept has been heavy on my heart since yesterday. I was sitting outside on my back porch and all of the sudden a humming bird flies by the else bush in my backyard. Other than yesterday, I have never seen a humming bird in person. I was, and still am, so in awe of the small creature see in all the spring scenes in a movie. It was smaller than normal birds and its little wings were flapping away. It was almost child like.

As children of God our perspective is so small compared to what He sees. We see these little details, and although He sees them too, He also sees the big picture. He sees everything. He can give us the right eyes to look through. The right perspective to view life. Or even just today. I don't know about y'all, but I'm gonna trust His perspective over mine considering the fact He sees my tomorrow.

If you can't find a good perspective to view your life through, don't worry. I have my days where all I see is a black cloud hovering over me. But I want you to know, that behind that cloud is light. The sun is shining so bright sunglasses can't even protect your eyes. God shines brighter than that. He can take away your black cloud and replace it with a rainbow.