If the past couple of months has taught me anything, it's to release control to Him. I'm the type of person that isn't necessarily controlling, but I have a certain way of doing things, and I like them to be done that way. If not, I'll deal with it, but not with the best attitude. My 4th strength is adaptability, so I'm sure that has something to do with it. When something is wrong, I try to fix it myself. I don't like to burden people by asking for help or go to them will all of my issues when they have other things they have to deal with. Since my dad died, I've been pretty self sufficient. And I realized that was the root of why I didn't like to burden people. I developed this sense of fixing things myself when difficult times struck and that way no one else would have to worry about anything and I can just deal with all the trouble. But I've learned lately, that that isn't the best way to go about doing things. I believe God puts trials in our path that is humanly impossible to overcome by ourselves because He wants us to ask for help. He wants to help us. It falls back to trust. He wants us to trust Him enough that no matter what heartache comes our way, we can trust Him to help us even though we have no idea what the next 10 minutes will hold. I've learned to let go of that. I'm not the best at it, and He still has to remind me to release control and let Him work, but I am getting better. Since I've done that, I have seen Him move. I used to never be content with the season I was in. Always wanting the next one to come around so that I could get to the next growth stage and maybe then my life will start rolling. But it just kept getting harder and harder. It wasn't because life itself got harder. It was because I never fully grew to the the complacency God wanted for me in the previous season of life. It's crazy how time can go by so fast, but seem so slow in the midst of things. I see that now, but I'm okay with it. Looking around at what God has put around me, I've seen His hand upon everything. I look at the friendships I have developed and the education I'm in the middle of. I look at the authorities over my friends and me. And I see how much they care. Yes, I want to get married, start a family and finally start the job of my dreams, but I finally am willing to wait. I've seen so much happen in the present that I know without it, my future won't be the same. This time won't last forever. And I don't want to miss a single thing that God is doing. I don't want to miss the opportunity to speak life into someone. I don't want to miss the opportunity to se God's hand paint the picture of life. I want to embrace everything now. Good and bad.
I encourage any of y'all who are struggling with this. You're not the first and you most certainly are not the only one. There is a whole group of us going through the same thing that want to encourage you and build you up. It isn't an over night thing. It's taken me a few roller coaster rides of giving something to God, taking it back, the giving to Him again. Sometimes it would happen a good 3 times a day. But I encourage you no matter how many times you take it back, always give it to Him. Don't stop giving it to Him because you think you'll always take it back and never get a grasp on this whole control thing. Keep giving it to Him. No matter how many times a day you have to do it. He will bring you peace and rest.
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Saturday, November 3, 2012
As a blogger, you are always thinking of different things you can write about when you go about your day. Whether it be something funny, serious, or completely irrelevant, when you're a blogger it happens naturally. The question "How can I make this into a blog.?" Often crosses your mind. But if you're anything like me, we can't force it. Some people blog every day and never repeat the same sentence in all their posts. I, on the other hand, am a repeat blogger. It just happens.
I've had a stirring to want to write for the past week or so, but nothing has come to mind. When that happens I usually jump around to different blogs and read a few posts. Sometimes it's almost like a secret club, blogging. You use the "blog lingo" for example: "Oh your layout was BEAUTIFUL." Imagine if a random gymnast walks by and the person with a great layout was a 6 foot 4 inch muscular man. Try flipping that over in a straight layout position. Not easy. But that's not to point. It's like a club.
Today after a bit of blog jumping I got a text from my mom. She was at my brother's football game and she sent me a picture of the half-time show the little cheerleaders did. It was a cute little dance to a mix of songs. Now, some know this, but eight years ago I WAS one of those little cheerleaders doing a cute little dance to a mix of songs. The video she sent me was so cute it almost brought tears to my eyes! Talk about bringing back some memories! Unfortunately thought, I was not one of the cheerleaders that knew what she was doing. Granted we were all little kids, so nothing was perfect, but I was the tallest one, so I stuck out and a few of my movements were a little crazy.
This may be one of those "completely irrelevant" posts, but it goes back to the fact that you can't always just write everyday. Something has to trigger you. The video definitely triggered me.
Although it wasn't my greatest time as a cheerleader, I did have fun and I experienced something new. Did I think I was going to be the next Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader? Oh goodness no. But I learned something about myself. I learned something that I didn't want to keep doing and now I know. But the memories are still there and that I am grateful for. So I guess my question to you is this: What memories do you have that you can look back on and smile about? If you're having a not so great day, I encourage you to think back on those memories. Make yourself smile and turn your day around. Or encourage someone else to do the same. I've often found that encouraging someone else ends up making me smile. I challenge you with that today. Make someone, or yourself, truly smile.
And have a wonderfully blessed day!
I've had a stirring to want to write for the past week or so, but nothing has come to mind. When that happens I usually jump around to different blogs and read a few posts. Sometimes it's almost like a secret club, blogging. You use the "blog lingo" for example: "Oh your layout was BEAUTIFUL." Imagine if a random gymnast walks by and the person with a great layout was a 6 foot 4 inch muscular man. Try flipping that over in a straight layout position. Not easy. But that's not to point. It's like a club.
Today after a bit of blog jumping I got a text from my mom. She was at my brother's football game and she sent me a picture of the half-time show the little cheerleaders did. It was a cute little dance to a mix of songs. Now, some know this, but eight years ago I WAS one of those little cheerleaders doing a cute little dance to a mix of songs. The video she sent me was so cute it almost brought tears to my eyes! Talk about bringing back some memories! Unfortunately thought, I was not one of the cheerleaders that knew what she was doing. Granted we were all little kids, so nothing was perfect, but I was the tallest one, so I stuck out and a few of my movements were a little crazy.
This may be one of those "completely irrelevant" posts, but it goes back to the fact that you can't always just write everyday. Something has to trigger you. The video definitely triggered me.
Although it wasn't my greatest time as a cheerleader, I did have fun and I experienced something new. Did I think I was going to be the next Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader? Oh goodness no. But I learned something about myself. I learned something that I didn't want to keep doing and now I know. But the memories are still there and that I am grateful for. So I guess my question to you is this: What memories do you have that you can look back on and smile about? If you're having a not so great day, I encourage you to think back on those memories. Make yourself smile and turn your day around. Or encourage someone else to do the same. I've often found that encouraging someone else ends up making me smile. I challenge you with that today. Make someone, or yourself, truly smile.
And have a wonderfully blessed day!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I love how even in my brokenness I can run to the Father and feel His presence. He gives me joy and peace. Even after I let the enemy steal it away from me, God calls me His daughter and gives me restoration. Now that's what I call love.
For the past week or so I have felt dry. Nothing but dry. I'd pray, I'd worship, I'd fellowship with my classmates, but I just felt dry. I knew it was something in my heart that wasn't right. Every sermon and lesson in class and message in chapel lead up to the very moment I had today.
This morning in my Biblical View of Worship class, Zach Neese was, once again, rockin' what the Holy Spirit wanted to do in that class. We read 5 or 6 passages in Revelation about and the praise that is happening all the time in Heaven. Then during break, a good friend and I went to the little lounge to get some coffee. Another one of our classmates was in there and we got on the subject of the Holy Spirit and Ally shared her experience with the Holy Spirit to our classmate. After she left, he and I got to talking and we both were saying how lately we've just felt dry. I felt like the Lord wanted me to tell him it wasn't going to last much longer, then I realized "Whoa..." Not only was that a word I needed to receive myself, but I had just felt the Lord wanting me to tell someone something. Like REALLY felt Him. Which is something I haven't felt in a while. After break was over, we got back into class and Zach continued his lesson. I don't exactly remember the context, all I remember him saying was that "If there's a feeling of dryness it is probably an issue of the heart." Or something along those lines. That's not exactly what he said, but that's the basic gist of it. It hit me like train. I've been missing the intimacy with God that He's been longing for. The real, deep, consuming intimacy that creates that connection between God and I. It's been non existent lately...no...honestly, I don't think I've ever truly gotten REAL intimate with the Lord.
I've been on the verge of tears since Monday when the pile of school work, work, and just life practically quadrupled on me. Today I gave up. I knew I couldn't go one more second. I put worship music on and I just fell. Through tears I prayed to God and told Him I couldn't do it alone anymore. I've been trying so hard for a while and it's not working...obviously.
It wasn't some consuming, lost my breath completely kind of feeling. But I felt peace. More peace than I have felt in a long time. I just felt this presence...His presence. It was just....peaceful. I don't now how else to describe it. Now, as I sit here and write this, I know that I can do it. I can get the work done, and go to work, and tackle life without trying to do it by myself.
It's ironic how sometimes I pray to God and ask Him for help, yet I still try and do it by myself. Literally 2 minutes after I pray. Crazy, huh?! This time is different. This time I refuse to let the enemy take the joy, the peace and the love that God has given me. Jesus conquered death for me so that I may live! So let it be! I will live for Him and in His name because He showed me more love than anyone ever could. He died for me. And so for that, I live every day, every minute, and every second for Him. Even amongst my troubles and my work and school, I'm doing it for Him.
AND it happens to help that I'm going to probably THE best bible school on the planet:) I am truly blessed for that.
Thankyou, Jesus.
For the past week or so I have felt dry. Nothing but dry. I'd pray, I'd worship, I'd fellowship with my classmates, but I just felt dry. I knew it was something in my heart that wasn't right. Every sermon and lesson in class and message in chapel lead up to the very moment I had today.
This morning in my Biblical View of Worship class, Zach Neese was, once again, rockin' what the Holy Spirit wanted to do in that class. We read 5 or 6 passages in Revelation about and the praise that is happening all the time in Heaven. Then during break, a good friend and I went to the little lounge to get some coffee. Another one of our classmates was in there and we got on the subject of the Holy Spirit and Ally shared her experience with the Holy Spirit to our classmate. After she left, he and I got to talking and we both were saying how lately we've just felt dry. I felt like the Lord wanted me to tell him it wasn't going to last much longer, then I realized "Whoa..." Not only was that a word I needed to receive myself, but I had just felt the Lord wanting me to tell someone something. Like REALLY felt Him. Which is something I haven't felt in a while. After break was over, we got back into class and Zach continued his lesson. I don't exactly remember the context, all I remember him saying was that "If there's a feeling of dryness it is probably an issue of the heart." Or something along those lines. That's not exactly what he said, but that's the basic gist of it. It hit me like train. I've been missing the intimacy with God that He's been longing for. The real, deep, consuming intimacy that creates that connection between God and I. It's been non existent lately...no...honestly, I don't think I've ever truly gotten REAL intimate with the Lord.
I've been on the verge of tears since Monday when the pile of school work, work, and just life practically quadrupled on me. Today I gave up. I knew I couldn't go one more second. I put worship music on and I just fell. Through tears I prayed to God and told Him I couldn't do it alone anymore. I've been trying so hard for a while and it's not working...obviously.
It wasn't some consuming, lost my breath completely kind of feeling. But I felt peace. More peace than I have felt in a long time. I just felt this presence...His presence. It was just....peaceful. I don't now how else to describe it. Now, as I sit here and write this, I know that I can do it. I can get the work done, and go to work, and tackle life without trying to do it by myself.
It's ironic how sometimes I pray to God and ask Him for help, yet I still try and do it by myself. Literally 2 minutes after I pray. Crazy, huh?! This time is different. This time I refuse to let the enemy take the joy, the peace and the love that God has given me. Jesus conquered death for me so that I may live! So let it be! I will live for Him and in His name because He showed me more love than anyone ever could. He died for me. And so for that, I live every day, every minute, and every second for Him. Even amongst my troubles and my work and school, I'm doing it for Him.
AND it happens to help that I'm going to probably THE best bible school on the planet:) I am truly blessed for that.
Thankyou, Jesus.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Can I first start off by saying, WOW! What a challenge! I mean I knew college would be hard, don't get me wrong, but it's nothing like I've ever experienced, so I had no expectations of what it would be like. It's stretching me to new limits I never thought were there and it is bringing out a whole new side of me. Some of the good things that have happened are the content of the classes and the material that is being presented to us. Never in a million years would I ever have thought I'd get the privilege to go to school for the one thing I'm passionate about, and that's Jesus Christ. But here I am. A classmate made the comment today in my afternoon class of "How is this school?" But the awesome thing is, it IS school! For us at least!:) In every single one of my classes, one of my "text"books is the bible. I have read my bible more in the past 2 and a half weeks than I have probably ever in my life. Which is sad to say on some parts, but exciting all at the same time:) It is challenging though. I've never had so much reading, assignments and focus on an education before and I'm having to learn how to balance and juggle the different things in life. But with God's grace I'm doing the best I can do. And I wouldn't change it for the world:) No matter how difficult it is:) I'm praying for all of y'all. Even with all the craziness going on right now, I pray any struggle you face the Lord makes His face to shine upon you. I pray that any issues you have are resolved and that He is KNOWN in your life. Be blessed!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Wow, just wow! Those are seriously the only words I have for this journey so far. God is so freaking amazing! TKUG is unlike any college I could ever have experienced. All the years that I've been dreaming of what college life and class would be like are nothing compared to what I'm actually living. First of all its small, and I know it will grow, but I like the fact that it's small at the start. Makes it more personal and easier to connect to people. And every class, no matter what it is, is biblically based. We either open or close in prayer. Or both! I love it! It was a total God things how the timing of posting this blog happened too. I was going to do it a few days ago, but couldn't log into my account for some reason. And it just so happens that I was able to log in after the school ate lunch together in our student lounge (yes, we're that small for the time being). It was SO fun to talk with everyone and really fellowship and connect! Within the past couple of days I have made so many incredible friends and this is the time where I will find friendships that will last a lifetime. I think that's one of the reasons why I've been so excited for college. To meet new people and really connect with them on a level I have never been able to do in previous years of school. I wish I had more to say, but God has been so faithful and blessed me and all of my classmates with TKUG. He leaves me speechless.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
So far so good!
Wow. All I can say is wow. The past couple days could not have gone any better. This school is seriously one of the best things that has ever happened to me. What I love is how the Holy Spirit is just ALL over the place. He is moving throughout each class room and it is incredible. So far, the first 3 classes that I have had have opened up in prayer. I mean, how cool is that?! There is a sense of peace that floods the building and a spirit of comfort that rests on everyone. This place feels like a home away from home. I never want to leave! Seriously! I get so say when the day is over and when I have to wait until the next day to come back. I cannot WAIT to start studying and do the assignments I have so far. God is SO faithful. Never would I thought that I could come to my dream college and feel this. I have waited so long for this and it's only going up hill from here. Wow. Yesterday, I was left speechless. The professors are understanding, REAL, and present the material in such a way that it's exciting and intriguing to learn. I cannot wait to see where things go a month, 2 months, A YEAR, from now. This marks the beginning of an incredible, long, but blessed journey. Here we go:)
Sunday, September 16, 2012
TOMORROW IS THE DAY TOMORROW IS THE DAY TOMORROW IS THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those of you who have not talked to me today, or can't tell by my last sentence, I am SUPER excited about tomorrow:) Seriously, The Kings at Gateway is my DREAM college. It's everything I've always wanted to go to school for, it'd accredited, AND it's at my home church. What could be better?! God is so incredibly faithful. I have so many things that have been swimming around my heart and mind about tomorrow and this next year. From school to decisions that I make now that will affect 3 years from now. Everything in between has passed through my brain at one point or another. Probably more than once. Tonight at habitation I felt like I needed to pray for tomorrow and the next year. Really give everything to God and lift up every dream and desire to Him. When I felt like He was tugging on my heart to move, I did and I found the PERFECT person to pray with. The lady He lead me to seemed almost as excited as me and she was just all around precious. I felt like she was going to school with me tomorrow she was so excited! I told her everything that was on my heart and everything I wanted and needed to pray for. Not only did she pray for me, but she encouraged me and spoke Psalm 23 over me. When I got back to my seat I had realized that Psalm 23 has been hanging our me for a while. So, of course, I wrote down what happened so I could keep the memory of the day before my first day of college forever. God has been so great to me. For the past couple of months I have felt like I have been on cloud 9. And I don't ever want to leave! But, as life goes, I know there are storms ahead. This past weekend Pastor Debbie spoke about The "I" of the storm. This time of me feeling like I'm on cloud 9 has prepared me and has prepared my heart to really tune in to Him. Especially when those storms come. Because that's when He really speaks to use and gets our attention. We think we can't be pulled from the dirt, but that's when God sometimes does the most cleaning. My dears, this season some of you are in are just like what I have been feeling. Embrace this time. Enjoy it. But don't forget to tune into Him. Others of you are in the complete opposite situation. Can I tell you something? The chaos is almost over. It can't and won't be around forever. There is a time of rest and peace and comfort coming SOON. Hanging tight to His hand and guidance. And He will lead you to that time. I pray Psalm 23 over every single one of you. Be blessed.
I feel like I need to mention this too. Don't ever hesitate to email me. For anything. I may not always know what to say, but He certainly does. And His words will do more work than all of mine could in a life time. Don't give up precious child of God.
For those of you who have not talked to me today, or can't tell by my last sentence, I am SUPER excited about tomorrow:) Seriously, The Kings at Gateway is my DREAM college. It's everything I've always wanted to go to school for, it'd accredited, AND it's at my home church. What could be better?! God is so incredibly faithful. I have so many things that have been swimming around my heart and mind about tomorrow and this next year. From school to decisions that I make now that will affect 3 years from now. Everything in between has passed through my brain at one point or another. Probably more than once. Tonight at habitation I felt like I needed to pray for tomorrow and the next year. Really give everything to God and lift up every dream and desire to Him. When I felt like He was tugging on my heart to move, I did and I found the PERFECT person to pray with. The lady He lead me to seemed almost as excited as me and she was just all around precious. I felt like she was going to school with me tomorrow she was so excited! I told her everything that was on my heart and everything I wanted and needed to pray for. Not only did she pray for me, but she encouraged me and spoke Psalm 23 over me. When I got back to my seat I had realized that Psalm 23 has been hanging our me for a while. So, of course, I wrote down what happened so I could keep the memory of the day before my first day of college forever. God has been so great to me. For the past couple of months I have felt like I have been on cloud 9. And I don't ever want to leave! But, as life goes, I know there are storms ahead. This past weekend Pastor Debbie spoke about The "I" of the storm. This time of me feeling like I'm on cloud 9 has prepared me and has prepared my heart to really tune in to Him. Especially when those storms come. Because that's when He really speaks to use and gets our attention. We think we can't be pulled from the dirt, but that's when God sometimes does the most cleaning. My dears, this season some of you are in are just like what I have been feeling. Embrace this time. Enjoy it. But don't forget to tune into Him. Others of you are in the complete opposite situation. Can I tell you something? The chaos is almost over. It can't and won't be around forever. There is a time of rest and peace and comfort coming SOON. Hanging tight to His hand and guidance. And He will lead you to that time. I pray Psalm 23 over every single one of you. Be blessed.
I feel like I need to mention this too. Don't ever hesitate to email me. For anything. I may not always know what to say, but He certainly does. And His words will do more work than all of mine could in a life time. Don't give up precious child of God.
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