Giving God Control

If the past couple of months has taught me anything, it's to release control to Him.  I'm the type of person that isn't necessarily controlling, but I have a certain way of doing things, and I like them to be done that way. If not, I'll deal with it, but not with the best attitude.  My 4th strength is adaptability, so I'm sure that has something to do with it.  When something is wrong, I try to fix it myself.  I don't like to burden people by asking for help or go to them will all of my issues when they have other things they have to deal with.  Since my dad died, I've been pretty self sufficient.  And I realized that was the root of why I didn't like to burden people.  I developed this sense of fixing things myself when difficult times struck and that way no one else would have to worry about anything and I can just deal with all the trouble.  But I've learned lately, that that isn't the best way to go about doing things.  I believe God puts trials in our path that is humanly impossible to overcome by ourselves because He wants us to ask for help.  He wants to help us. It falls back to trust.  He wants us to trust Him enough that no matter what heartache comes our way, we can trust Him to help us even though we have no idea what the next 10 minutes will hold.  I've learned to let go of that.  I'm not the best at it, and He still has to remind me to release control and let Him work, but I am getting better.  Since I've done that, I have seen Him move.  I used to never be content with the season I was in.  Always wanting the next one to come around so that I could get to the next growth stage and maybe then my life will start rolling.  But it just kept getting harder and harder.  It wasn't because life itself got harder.  It was because I never fully grew to the the complacency God wanted for me in the previous season of life.  It's crazy how time can go by so fast, but seem so slow in the midst of things.  I see that now, but I'm okay with it.  Looking around at what God has put around me, I've seen His hand upon everything.  I look at the friendships I have developed and the education I'm in the middle of.  I look at the authorities over my friends and me.  And I see how much they care.  Yes, I want to get married, start a family and finally start the job of my dreams, but I finally am willing to wait.  I've seen so much happen in the present that I know without it, my future won't be the same.  This time won't last forever.  And I don't want to miss a single thing that God is doing.  I don't want to miss the opportunity to speak life into someone.  I don't want to miss the opportunity to se God's hand paint the picture of life.  I want to embrace everything now.  Good and bad.

I encourage any of y'all who are struggling with this.  You're not the first and you most certainly are not the only one.  There is a whole group of us going through the same thing that want to encourage you and build you up.  It isn't an over night thing.  It's taken me a few roller coaster rides of giving something to God, taking it back, the giving to Him again.  Sometimes it would happen a good 3 times a day.  But I encourage you no matter how many times you take it back, always give it to Him.  Don't stop giving it to Him because you think you'll always take it back and never get a grasp on this whole control thing.  Keep giving it to Him.  No matter how many times a day you have to do it.  He will bring you peace and rest.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

As a blogger, you are always thinking of different things you can write about when you go about your day.  Whether it be something funny, serious, or completely irrelevant, when you're a blogger it happens naturally.  The question "How can I make this into a blog.?"  Often crosses your mind.  But if you're anything like me, we can't force it.  Some people blog every day and never repeat the same sentence in all their posts.  I, on the other hand, am a repeat blogger.  It just happens.
I've had a stirring to want to write for the past week or so, but nothing has come to mind.  When that happens I usually jump around to different blogs and read a few posts.  Sometimes it's almost like a secret club, blogging.  You use the "blog lingo" for example: "Oh your layout was BEAUTIFUL." Imagine if a random gymnast walks by and the person with a great layout was a 6 foot 4 inch muscular man.  Try flipping that over in a straight layout position.  Not easy. But that's not to point.   It's like a club.
Today after a bit of blog jumping I got a text from my mom.  She was at my brother's football game and she sent me a picture of the half-time show the  little cheerleaders did.  It was a cute little dance to a mix of songs.  Now, some know this, but eight years ago I WAS one of those little cheerleaders doing a cute little dance to a mix of songs.  The video she sent me was so cute it almost brought tears to my eyes!  Talk about bringing back some memories!  Unfortunately thought, I was not one of the cheerleaders that knew what she was doing.  Granted we were all little kids, so nothing was perfect, but I was the tallest one, so I stuck out and a few of my movements were a little crazy.
This may be one of those "completely irrelevant" posts, but it goes back to the fact that you can't always just write everyday.  Something has to trigger you.  The video definitely triggered me.
Although it wasn't my greatest time as a cheerleader, I did have fun and I experienced something new.  Did I think I was going to be the next Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader?  Oh goodness no.  But I learned something about myself.  I learned something that I didn't want to keep doing and now I know.  But the memories are still there and that I am grateful for.  So I guess my question to you is this:  What memories do you have that you can look back on and smile about?  If you're having a not so great day, I encourage you to think back on those memories.  Make yourself smile and turn your day around.  Or encourage someone else to do the same.  I've often found that encouraging someone else ends up making me smile.  I challenge you with that today.  Make someone, or yourself, truly smile.
And have a wonderfully blessed day!

I love how even in my brokenness I can run to the Father and feel His presence.  He gives me joy and peace.  Even after I let the enemy steal it away from me, God calls me His daughter and gives me restoration. Now that's what I call love.
For the past week or so I have felt dry.  Nothing but dry.  I'd pray, I'd worship, I'd fellowship with my classmates, but I just felt dry.  I knew it was something in my heart that wasn't right.  Every sermon and lesson in class and message in chapel lead up to the very moment I had today.
This morning in my Biblical View of Worship class, Zach Neese was, once again, rockin' what the Holy Spirit wanted to do in that class.  We read 5 or 6 passages in Revelation about and the praise that is happening all the time in Heaven.  Then during break, a good friend and I went to the little lounge to get some coffee.  Another one of our classmates was in there and we got on the subject of the Holy Spirit and Ally shared her experience with the Holy Spirit to our classmate.  After she left, he and I got to talking and we both were saying how lately we've just felt dry.  I felt like the Lord wanted me to tell him it wasn't going to last much longer, then I realized "Whoa..." Not only was that a word I needed to receive myself, but I had just felt the Lord wanting me to tell someone something.  Like REALLY felt Him.  Which is something I haven't felt in a while.  After break was over, we got back into class and Zach continued his lesson.  I don't exactly remember the context, all I remember him saying was that "If there's a feeling of dryness it is probably an issue of the heart." Or something along those lines.  That's not exactly what he said, but that's the basic gist of it.  It hit me like train.  I've been missing the intimacy with God that He's been longing for.  The real, deep, consuming intimacy that creates that connection between God and I.  It's been non existent lately...no...honestly, I don't think I've ever truly gotten REAL intimate with the Lord.
I've been on the verge of tears since Monday when the pile of school work, work, and just life practically quadrupled on me. Today I gave up.  I knew I couldn't go one more second.  I put worship music on and I just fell. Through tears I prayed to God and told Him I couldn't do it alone anymore.  I've been trying so hard for a while and it's not working...obviously.
It wasn't some consuming, lost my breath completely kind of feeling. But I felt peace. More peace than I have felt in a long time. I just felt this presence...His presence.  It was just....peaceful. I don't now how else to describe it.  Now, as I sit here and write this, I know that I can do it.  I can get the work done, and go to work, and tackle life without trying to do it by myself.
It's ironic how sometimes I pray to God and ask Him for help, yet I still try and do it by myself. Literally 2 minutes after I pray.  Crazy, huh?! This time is different. This time I refuse to let the enemy take the joy, the peace and the love that God has given me. Jesus conquered death for me so that I may live! So let it be! I will live for Him and in His name because He showed me more love than anyone ever could.  He died for me.  And so for that, I live every day, every minute, and every second for Him.  Even amongst my troubles and my work and school, I'm doing it for Him.
AND it happens to help that I'm going to probably THE best bible school on the planet:) I am truly blessed for that.
Thankyou, Jesus.

Can I first start off by saying, WOW! What a challenge! I mean I knew college would be hard, don't get me wrong, but it's nothing like I've ever experienced, so I had no expectations of what it would be like.  It's stretching me to new limits I never thought were there and it is bringing out a whole new side of me.  Some of the good things that have happened are the content of the classes and the material that is being presented to us.  Never in a million years would I ever have thought I'd get the privilege to go to school for the one thing I'm passionate about, and that's Jesus Christ.  But here I am.  A classmate made the comment today in my afternoon class of "How is this school?" But the awesome thing is, it IS school! For us at least!:) In every single one of my classes, one of my "text"books is the bible.  I have read my bible more in the past 2 and a half weeks than I have probably ever in my life.  Which is sad to say on some parts, but exciting all at the same time:) It is challenging though.  I've never had so much reading, assignments and focus on an education before and I'm having to learn how to balance and juggle the different things in life.  But with God's grace I'm doing the best I can do.  And I wouldn't change it for the world:) No matter how difficult it is:) I'm praying for all of y'all.  Even with all the craziness going on right now, I pray any struggle you face the Lord makes His face to shine upon you.  I pray that any issues you have are resolved and that He is KNOWN in your life. Be blessed!

Wow, just wow! Those are seriously the only words I have for this journey so far.  God is so freaking amazing! TKUG is unlike any college I could ever have experienced.  All the years that I've been dreaming of what college life and class would be like are nothing compared to what I'm actually living. First of all its small, and I know it will grow, but I like the fact that it's small at the start.  Makes it more personal and easier to connect to people.  And every class, no matter what it is, is biblically based.  We either open or close in prayer. Or both! I love it! It was a total God things how the timing of posting this blog happened too.  I was going to do it a few days ago, but couldn't log into my account for some reason.  And it just so happens that I was able to log in after the school ate lunch together in our student lounge (yes, we're that small for the time being).  It was SO fun to talk with everyone and really fellowship and connect! Within the past couple of days I have made so many incredible friends and this is the time where I will find friendships that will last a lifetime.  I think that's one of the reasons why I've been so excited for college.  To meet new people and really connect with them on a level I have never been able to do in previous years of school.  I wish I had more to say, but God has been so faithful and blessed me and all of my classmates with TKUG.  He leaves me speechless.

So far so good!

Wow.  All I can say is wow.  The past couple days could not have gone any better.  This school is seriously one of the best things that has ever happened to me.  What I love is how the Holy Spirit is just ALL over the place.  He is moving throughout each class room and it is incredible.  So far, the first 3 classes that I have had have opened up in prayer.  I mean, how cool is that?! There is a sense of peace that floods the building and a spirit of comfort that rests on everyone.  This place feels like a home away from home.  I never want to leave! Seriously! I get so say when the day is over and when I have to wait until the next day to come back.  I cannot WAIT to start studying and do the assignments I have so far.  God is SO faithful.  Never would I thought that I could come to my dream college and feel this. I have waited so long for this and it's only going up hill from here.  Wow.  Yesterday, I was left speechless.  The professors are understanding, REAL, and present the material in such a way that it's exciting and intriguing to learn.  I cannot wait to see where things go a month, 2 months, A YEAR, from now.  This marks the beginning of an incredible, long, but blessed journey.  Here we go:)

TOMORROW IS THE DAY TOMORROW IS THE DAY TOMORROW IS THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those of you who have not talked to me today, or can't tell by my last sentence, I am SUPER excited about tomorrow:) Seriously, The Kings at Gateway is my DREAM college.  It's everything I've always wanted to go to school for, it'd accredited, AND it's at my home church.  What could be better?! God is so incredibly faithful.  I have so many things that have been swimming around my heart and mind about tomorrow and this next year.  From school to decisions that I make now that will affect 3 years from now.  Everything in between has passed through my brain at one point or another.  Probably more than once.  Tonight at habitation I felt like I needed to pray for tomorrow and the next year.  Really give everything to God and lift up every dream and desire to Him.  When I felt like He was tugging on my heart to move, I did and I found the PERFECT person to pray with.  The lady He lead me to seemed almost as excited as me and she was just all around precious.  I felt like she was going to school with me tomorrow she was so excited!  I told her everything that was on my heart and everything I wanted and needed to pray for.  Not only did she pray for me, but she encouraged me and spoke Psalm 23 over me.  When I got back to my seat I had realized that Psalm 23 has been hanging our me for a while.  So, of course, I wrote down what happened so I could keep the memory of the day before my first day of college forever.  God has been so great to me.  For the past couple of months I have felt like I have been on cloud 9.  And I don't ever want to leave!  But, as life goes, I know there are storms ahead.  This past weekend Pastor Debbie spoke about The "I" of the storm.  This time of me feeling like I'm on cloud 9 has prepared me and has prepared my heart to really tune in to Him.  Especially when those storms come.  Because that's when He really speaks to use and gets our attention.  We think we can't be pulled from the dirt, but that's when God sometimes does the most cleaning.  My dears, this season some of you are in are just like what I have been feeling.  Embrace this time.  Enjoy it.  But don't forget to tune into Him.  Others of you are in the complete opposite situation. Can I tell you something?  The chaos is almost over.  It can't and won't be around forever.  There is a time of rest and peace and comfort coming SOON.  Hanging tight to His hand and guidance.  And He will lead you to that time.  I pray Psalm 23 over every single one of you.  Be blessed.



I feel like I need to mention this too.  Don't ever hesitate to email me.  For anything.  I may not always know what to say, but He certainly does.  And His words will do more work than all of mine could in a life time.  Don't give up precious child of God.

I'm not a political person.  I don't really follow what all the commotion is about.  I just have my beliefs and when the time comes to vote, I'll ask God who He wants me to vote for.  But there is one thing that has bothered me for a little while.  Whether you agree with what's going on or not and the decisions that have been made, they've happened.  And in my personal opinion, putting someone down and judging them on a social network isn't the best way to handle it.  We're put on this earth to encourage people.  Bring out the best in them.  No matter who they are, bringing them down and discouraging them in such a way doesn't reflect well on character.  You can completely disagree with what I'm saying and think "She doesn't even pay attention to politics, who is she to say it's wrong or right?"I'm just expressing my opinion as well as the rest.  I'm not writing this to place my stamp on my political side and say who's right and wrong.  But as light to a broken and darkened world, who are we to talk crap about something that's not even in our control? Again, I'm not pointing anyone or anything out and calling names, but think about what you say or do to someone on the social media.  Regardless of if they're ever going to read it or not.  It's not about "What they don't know/see won't hurt them."  It's about "Who are you when no one is looking?"

God's Little Blessings

Today little things have gotten me down. I don't know why, but I have just had this uncomfortable feel in the pit of my stomach. I went to Walgreens on my way to work to get a small gift for a coworker and while I was in line, God gave me a blessing. This little girl, I'd say about 11 or so, bluntly asked "Do you get to live by yourself?" I told her not yet I still have to save up money. She asks "Did you go to college?" "I'm in college." "Lucky.." I told her to enjoy being young. She said "Are you a hair cutter? Your hair is pretty." "Haha nope." "Doctor?" "Haha no sweetie I work at a jewelry story and a church." With a big smile she says "Ahhh. Lucky..." again I told her to enjoy her youth and being a child. What she didn't know what that she was a huge blessing to me. With all the little issues pulling me down today, I saw the innocence of childhood and what a huge impact we adult have on their lives. She was sweet as can be and if I could, I'd talk to her every week about how being a kid is once of the greatest things ever. We don't realize what'd around us sometimes. I believe God puts little blessings in our paths everyday. Some are just so small He wants us to seek out the greatness of each day rather than spend it sad. Take some time today and step back. Look at everything He has blessed you with. You never know when you could be someone else's blessing by simply seeing what's in front of you.

God's Morning Glory

5:53 AM:  Good morning Darlin's.  Last night I was laying in bed and thinking of a perfect date with some amazing guy that God brings into my life, as I do probably more than you'd think.  (Hopeless romantic:))  What I didn't know was that was only the beginning of the next 12 hours.  As some of you probably know, I am NOT a morning person.  Farthest thing from it.  But when the Lord wakes me up and asks me if He can go on a date with me this morning, any and everything gets thrown out of the water for that honor.  This pleasant morning He woke me up at 4:30. Ish.  After fighting Him for about 30-45 minutes, I finally said, "Okay, Lord.  I'm up.  But I'm going to be honest with you, I am tired.  And my bed is comfy, and my room is cold.  Making me even more tired.  But I want to be awake with You.  Please give me the strength so I can be." And what does His ever so loving voice say? "Wanna watch the surmise together?"  I was up quicker then a squirrel on caffeine.  I am currently sitting on my driveway with my computer, bible, pen, and journal on a blanket.  The stars are as beautiful as ever.  I have never experience the morning like this, and I'm sure it won't be the last.  Oh, I'm also listening to worship music:) (what could get any better than this right?!)  Me being the curious and antsy person I am, I was curious as to what time the sun actually rises this morning.  6:58 AM.  At first I was like "Really?!"  But then I heard this gentle voice say, "I just wanted to have you to myself for a bit before we got to the fireworks."  How can you resist that?! Sitting here for a little over an hour in the dark is SO worth it.  Even without all the accessories I brought out with me.  If it was just Him and I, I'd be just as happy.  It's incredible to watch how the sky changes throughout time.  Especially in the morning.  It's not something everyone can say on a daily basis.  If you haven't done it, I highly suggest it.  Expected Sunrise: 6:58 AM according to Google.



6:20 AM:  The sky is slowly but surely getting bluer.  It's coming.  I've moved spots like 3 different times trying to get the best seat.  I have even considered going on the roof.  But for my mother's sake, I'm staying on the ground.  For now.  The roof may happen at another time though.  Momma that was for you so you'd know.

6:29 AM:  You know when you look at the city from a far distance and it almost looks like a painting? Or just a picture? Same thing now.  The shades of blue on the horizon and darker as you look towards the west, the clouds and their different shapes, the trees that almost look like silhouettes, the tiny bit of yellows and oranges beginning to peak and form at the basis of the light blue.  Beautiful is an understatement.


6:40 AM: This tops ANY date I ever have gone on and ever will go on.

6:50 AM:  What is more beautiful then His glory?

6:58 AM:   Goodmorning!!!!!:)<3 a="a" am="am" and="and" anything="anything" as="as" be="be" being="being" did.="did." difference="difference" distant="distant" e="e" everything.="everything." focus="focus" getting="getting" god="god" had="had" he="he" heaven="heaven" him="him" i="i" in="in" is="is" it:="it:" it="it" ith="ith" just="just" know="know" laughed.="laughed." likes="likes" love="love" make="make" many="many" matter="matter" mind="mind" morning="morning" my="my" n="n" nbsp="nbsp" negative="negative" not="not" of="of" ome="ome" on="on" p="p" person="person" realized="realized" say="say" seriously.="seriously." simple="simple" so="so" something="something" sometimes="sometimes" start="start" sunrise="sunrise" sure="sure" t="t" that="that" the="the" things="things" this="this" thought.="thought." time:="time:" to="to" used="used" ut="ut" ve="ve" watching="watching" well="well" who="who" why="why" with="with" won="won" would="would" you="you">

Sunrise: 6:58 AM.

God's been wooing me for the past couple of days, but theism morning it's like he popped the question.  He speaks to us and does things through us and romances us in ways that we understand and relate to.  For me, that's the cheesy, but cute little comments that make me blush, unforgettable moments like watching the sun rise and songs that speak to me.  He has pursued me in all of those areas.  For other it could be words of affirmation or feeling the touch of His grace.  Either way, He's pursuing us with an unending love that will literally blow you away.  He is a jealous God.  And longs for our hearts.  I pray those of you that needed to hear this today, do.  And I pray for those that are on fire to burn even brighter.
"Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:6

The Lord just put something on my heart.  I'm watching the movie Fireproof and the song called "While I'm Waiting" came on.  I thought it was amazing how God reminded me of this song today.  Especially after what I posted earlier.  But I felt something more.  It wasn't just a reminder for me.  It's a reminder for you too.  Whatever you're waiting on, WHATEVER it is, God hasn't ignored you.  He's still there.  He's listening and though you may think time is numb and nothing is happening, it is.  Jus be patient.  I promise everything will fall into place.  I pray these words will help you just has much as they have helped me tonight.  Stay strong, precious child.  He hears you and is with you.


I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/john_waller/while_im_waiting.html ]
While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/john_waller/#share

-While I'm Waiting by John Waller

Remember back in July when I had talked about being God's princess?  And how at some point we all struggle with the "OMG WHERE IS HE ALREADY?!" question?  Well, today is one of those days for me.  It hits at random times and not in a bad way.  It almost make me laugh!  Actually, it DOES make me laugh!  Sometimes I wonder, why in the world am I so worried about this?  First of all, God is SO in charge and He will not NEVER back down on a promise that He has given me, or anybody else.  And Second, I'm still young.  Very young.  I haven't even hit 20 yet why is this even such a big deal?  I should be more focused on college, right?  Yes, but it's still there, lol.  Last night I remembered at my kindergarden graduation as we 'walked across the stage' we had to say what we wanted to be when we grew up, and what did I say? "When I grow up, I want to be a mommy." I still remember the pregnant lady in the front row about lose it.  Things haven't changed.  I have such a big desire to be a wife and mom that you'd almost think my dream job is to be a stay at home mom! In a way it is, but it goes beyond that.  If there was a school called "Future wife and moms in the making university" I'd be there in a heart beat.  But as I said a while back ago, God is in control.  He's got me (just like He's got YOU) in the palm of His hands.  Romans 2:28 says He will work everything out for our good.  That's not only a promise, but it's truth and a declaration that we have the most incredible God who can do ALL things who also is so deeply in love with us, we can't even bare it.  But that's also why we have Him:)

Future husband,
I pray for you and think about you everyday.  Whether you're reading this or not, I am.  I pray God gives you provision and guidance.  That He's directing your steps and that you're making the right decisions.  Wherever you are, I pray for your safety and for those around you.  Don't ever let anyone tell you you're less than amazing because God has called you for miraculous things. (that goes for EVERYONE out there not just my future husband. God has called YOU so get up and go!)

Ladies, the wait is worth it.
Men, the wait is worth it.

God's strength and grace is upon us all for the things we cannot do.  And He is with us every second of the day.  Especially the ones we don't think we can make it through.

Well friends, I am so close. So, very close.  But I'm not there yet.  I am registered for classes and start in 20 days.  I have no idea why I've always been on of those huge dreamers about my future, but God sure does.  And in a matter of 3 weeks, one of those dreams will finally come true.  It feels so surreal.  This is where it begins.  The chapter in life where I start to leave the nest, I gain all this responsibility (that I'm strangely excited for:)), and start my life.  My journey.  Everything that has lead up to this very moment has made me who I am.  I do not regret one bit of it.  Some days I can't wrap my mind around it.  It still almost feels like a dream.   Everyone has already stated school.  All of my college friends, m younger friends, my siblings, public school, high school, everyone has started this new year.  Except my TKUG friends and me.  The next 3 weeks will fly by and drag on all at the same time.  I pray that things go smoothly.  I have this vision, this dream, in my head of how I want, hope, things will go and I know they'll go exactly how God wants them.  Which isn't always how I want them to go, but it'll be right.  Because He's in control.  I am taking the classes I wanted to take the moment I saw them on the course schedule.  My weekly schedule isn't crammed, my work schedule works perfectly with it, everything is falling into place.  God....man, He's just incredible.  I am blessed beyond understanding.  I have no words other than thank you.  To everyone, but most importantly to Him.  Other dreams I pray to come true soon are still there.  Ha, very much so.  But college is proof that God makes our dreams come true.  At least the right dreams:).  It's just crazy to think my life and journey of adulthood and everything after that is start in 3 weeks.  I am nervous and excited all at the same time.

Curveballs

Life is hard.  And full of curveballs.  Unfortunately, we never know when those curveballs are headed our way.  But without those curveballs, we'd never appreciate the good times.  Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't be sad or cry or have bad days.  That is probably one of the biggest lies ever.  After going through a tragedy, random little things trigger that emotional hurricane that comes over you.  As time goes by, it becomes less often, but it never goes away.  And I think God does that for a reason.  If you're hurting, hurt.  Don't fake a smile and cover it up.  Be the real you.  Let it out.  That was probably the best advice anyone ever gave me three years ago.  So now I'm saying it to you.  Don't hide what's inside to be strong.  Real strength comes from growing through the pain and letting others in to help you with that.  Be YOU.  And just let it out every once in a while. 

Hello loves.  Today I hope everyone's day is going great.  Today, mine hasn't been the best.  It hasn't been dreadful, which that I am thankful for, but it still wasn't the best.  Today was just one of those days where I didn't feel 100 percent and I felt like I just wasn't getting anything right at work.  I was able to keep a smile on my face and do the best I can, which is better than giving up and feeling even worse, but it was as dandy as a beautiful sunny day.  BUT! God is still in control.  He didn't promise everything would be perfect all the time, but He did promise it would be worth it.  I'm sure y'all have had days like today, if not, please lets have coffee and you can tell me your secret.  I want y'all to know that even through the not so great days, there are still blessings.  Like I said before, it wasn't a dreadful day.  The sun has shined today and no one has walked away in tears.  Those are a few of the blessings that I got today.  And I know there are more, I just need to give the day to the Holy Spirit and He will guide me the right way.  I encourage you to thank God everyday before you even step out of bed for you waking you up that day and invite His presence in.  I don't do it every day like I need and want to, but the days I have done that have really made a difference.  I've been praying about this for a while and decided on putting my email up on here.  I don't want someone to read this and think all hope is lost and they have no one and not be able to talk to someone when they feel no one else is there for them.  I am praying for you.  And I am here.  But most importantly, God is here.  You are not alone.  My heart is just so set on that and I don't want anyone feeling alone.  Tomorrow is a new day and today is full of blessings.  keketay1@gmail.com

An Unforgettable Freedom

I am speechless.  Words cannot describe the experience I had at Kairos.  Everything is still sinking in.  First I want to start by saying that NOTHING is impossible with the power of God.  Seriously.  Not only did I learn so much I hadn't known before, but I also gained a more in depth understanding of the things I did know before.  Like going back to the basics.  Sometimes we learn them and they're hammered in out brains.  But do we really understand them in our hearts? Or do we just know them in our minds?
If I were to have worn socks, God would have knocked them off.  I felt a whole new level of freedom that I wasn't sure even existed.  Through Kairos, God brought me to parts of my heart and memories that I had completely forgot about, but were holding me back from so much.  Things I had issue with now were because of things that had happened when I was younger.  How the two connected I had NO clue.  But God did.  And now I do.  Not only did He help free me from so much, but now that I know how I can be free, with God's help, I can do it in my own bedroom!
Freedom isn't about where it happens, like an event.  Although that helps, freedom is all about God and the heart.  After all, He was the one who did all the work.  The volunteers and workers at Kairos were there to help us get on the right path.  Not to say after going through Kairos, I never need it again. No.  As human beings, we were made to live in community.  To have that corporate time of worship and fellowship.  But now that I have the tools that I need, I can be more aware of the lies that hold me back, and breaking the ties and living FREE.
One of the biggest things that God did was give me the comfort I need.  I not only felt His comfort, but we did and exercise where the Kairos team gave us father/mother hugs.  And man did that strike a cord.  You don't realize how important something simple as a physical hug is until you don't have it anymore. I've gotten many hugs from many different people in the last 3 years.  But feeling a hug from a team member that represented a hug from my dad meant everything to me.
Freedom starts with you and God.  He will take you to places you may not want to go.  But let me tell you, it is worth it.  So worth it.  I still feel the affects from Kairos and I almost don't know how to wrap my mind around it.  That's probably a good thing.  I'm willing to stay like this if I know God is moving.  And I know He is.
This makes me ready to start college.  Spetember 17th, HERE I COME!!!
My prayer is that you find freedom of your own.  For/from whatever it is.  If you feel alone and like no one cares for you, I want you to know that I do.  And I am praying for you.  Keep your head up high, precious child of God!

God's Talents for You

Recently, I've discovered something about myself.  I love to paint.  I've always had that desire in my heart.  Going to museums or art galleries and seeing all of the beautiful colors perfectly placed in a picture.  I always thought, "How cool would it be to create something like that from MY own two hands."  Then one day, I just did it.  I'm not as bad as I thought! My mom started painting after feeling that same desire, so she decided to take some art classes and go for it.  After stopping the art classes and just following what God wanted her to do, she has done so much.  Her art is beautiful and she paints such miraculous pictures that God has showed her.  I wanted that same thing.  She inspired me to just go for it.  I haven't taken a single art class in my life, not including the REQUIRED ones from grade school.  An artist isn't someone who takes art classes their entire life and makes artistic things.  An artist is someone who expresses what is in their heart.  Whether it be painting, drawing, or even singing.
I had always wanted to do something great.  To find my niche.  I thought it was singing, and as much as i took lessons, joined choirs and did recitals, it just didn't happen for me.  That's not to say I am a bad singer, it's just not the things God wants me to do right now.  And I am totally okay with that.  Because I found painting.  When I paint I can get lost in what I'm doing and the music that's playing.  I completely shut out the outside world and I just let God guide my fingers and strokes.  Even if my end result is a completely black canvas, I expressed what was in my heart and I feel the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.

If you're feeling like you just haven't found what's made you YOU yet, don't give up.  I'm 18 years old and I just now found painting.  In 5 years I could find another talent God blessed me with.  Whether you're 5 or 50, God has blessed you with an AMAZING talent that only you can accomplish.  He has given you that talent because everything that you have experienced in life up to this very moment will be shown through your talent and everyone will know you because of it.  God gives everyone a talent special for them to accomplish in their life because His plan is written that way.  No one else can complete that specific thing, at that specific time, with YOUR specific life experience.  Otherwise it wouldn't be YOUR special talent.  It would be theirs.  Don't give up.  I pray you find your niche.  As hard as it is, have patience.  He will open your eyes when it is right for His timing.  I pray strength and patience over you today.

Perspective

Perspective. It's way way we look at things. How we see what's around us. How we perceive them. Like the clouds. Say you have a group of 5 people all looking at the same cloud in the sky. They play everyone's favorite game. Making pictures out of the clouds. Each person's different perspective reflects how he or she sees that particular cloud. Just a few minutes ago I was looking at a cloud and saw two different things. When I first looked at it, I saw a puppy with his little tongue sticking out. He was looking up. The more I focused in on it, the more I saw a different picture. A lady, of royalty, was laying down. Her hair was gently laid out all around her and she was wearing her crown. When I came back to reality, I realized that right before I saw the lady in the clouds, the line "You lay me down" from a song I was listening to by Hillsong had just played. After looking away for about two minutes, I looked back and the cloud was in a different place with different shape and pictures.

Perspective is all around us. The question I thought of today is does what we're feeling and think affect how we view different things. Absolutely. If you are really hungry and craving a pizza, random things that take the shape of a pizza may look so similar to it, you'll want to eat it. Our perspective on life is the same way. If we're happy and have not in our hearts, we'll tackle the day with a smile on our faces. But if we have harder hearts, the day will seem as gloomy as ever.

This concept has been heavy on my heart since yesterday. I was sitting outside on my back porch and all of the sudden a humming bird flies by the else bush in my backyard. Other than yesterday, I have never seen a humming bird in person. I was, and still am, so in awe of the small creature see in all the spring scenes in a movie. It was smaller than normal birds and its little wings were flapping away. It was almost child like.

As children of God our perspective is so small compared to what He sees. We see these little details, and although He sees them too, He also sees the big picture. He sees everything. He can give us the right eyes to look through. The right perspective to view life. Or even just today. I don't know about y'all, but I'm gonna trust His perspective over mine considering the fact He sees my tomorrow.

If you can't find a good perspective to view your life through, don't worry. I have my days where all I see is a black cloud hovering over me. But I want you to know, that behind that cloud is light. The sun is shining so bright sunglasses can't even protect your eyes. God shines brighter than that. He can take away your black cloud and replace it with a rainbow.

Summer Surrender

Summers are very bittersweet times. On one hand we've got the freedom that comes from no school, a time of vacation, and the sense that next year we're a whole grade older. But on the other hand, we start to feel the loneliness when people are gone on vacation or working summer hours. We're done with the previous year, but can't quite start the new one yet. We're stuck. The question is, will you continue to stay stuck? Or will you do something extraordinary to grow you, strengthen you, and make you a different person than you were at the beginning of the summer?

On average, summer breaks are about 3 months. So much can happen in those 3 months. Think about coming back from summer break and seeing that one person who looks completely different. Can change only be on the outside? Or can we do something that can change who we are on the inside a well?

The answer is up to you. Influences from all around can affect you in all sorts of different ways. Some for the good and some for the bad.

Ecclesiastes 3 talks about a certain time for everything. I believe that one of the main purposes for summer break, whether it was intended this way or not, is that certain time for growth. It is a time to look back and reflect on the previous year. Laugh at the good times and learn from the bad. It also is a time to prepare for the season ahead. Each year is a new, fresh start to become the person you were meant to be.

"So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can." (Ecclesiastes 3:12 NLT). No, this doesn't mean to go off, get drunk and do something stupid. We're not talking about pulling a YOLO. It just says to be happy. Sometime it's the most simple thing we can do, yet we make it so difficult. Even on your hardest day, there is a blessing to find joy in. I heard a quote once that says something along the lines of "But it's also true that not all of your bad days are bad all the time." (not the exact quote). It's true. Even on your hardest day, there is something to be joyful about. The strength that you gain in the times of growth comes from how you react to those bad days and what you do with those joyful times.

I'm about to start college, so I am definitely feeling this. I'm ready to get a start on my life and the next season God has for me, but I'm not there yet. But I'm also not in high school anymore. I'm stuck in the middle. Although its hard sometimes, I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with those around me because most of the people I hangout with will be gone within the next few weeks. While doing all of that, I'm trying to prepare for college as well.

If you're struggling with this same thing, I want you to know that you're not alone. Don't feel discouraged because you can't quite seem to connect with the world around you. Ecclesiastes 3, along with whatever else God has in mind for me to read, has definitely helped. And I know for a fact there are people around you who want to help and be there for you.

Don't face today alone. Tomorrow is a new day for a new start.
"And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him." (Ecclesiastes 3:14 NLT)

God's Princess

Ladies, this post is for you!  How many of you can say you have probably thought about your future husband at least once a day? (I am raising my hand up way high).  We all do it at one point or another.  We're women and we want that special part in our hearts to be filled.  One thing I have learned over the years, especially in high school, it isn't an easy ride finding Mr. Right, but God did promise it would be worth it.  This morning in my quiet time, I was reading Romans and came across a scripture that says "But if we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently." Chapter 8 verse 25.  I honestly had never seen that scripture before today.  I new something like that was probably in the Bible, but I never actually found it.  Until today.  And girlfriend, let me tell you, it hit me hard.  Who likes to be patient?!  No many people.  But as we all learn, patience definitely comes with a blessing.  I like the last word in that verse, "confidently."  Confidence is something I know everyone struggles with at some point in their life.  I know I have.  When we wait for something so special, just getting by in life and hoping for the best doesn't always work.  Living life and embracing it and have CONFIDENCE in who you are brings joy to not only yourself, but to the people around you.  There is a cliche saying that says "Love comes when you least expect it."  As I've noticed throughout time and from the love stories around me (real life and ones from books/movies), love really does come when you least expect it.  When you think about it, that adds to the beauty of it.

As a woman, it still is hard to enjoy life when your heart still longs for that special connection with your prince charming.  Again, my hand is raised high!  Romans 8:38 says that NOTHING can separate us from the love God has for us.  And truth be told, His love is far greater than any love our earthly prince will ever be able to give us.  Gods love is eternal and out numbers the sand grains on every ocean.  When you're feeling down and lost, remember that.  Not only is God your friend and king, but He is also your TRUE prince charming.  He wants to have a relationship with you better than any earthly relationship can ever withstand.  God knows the desires of your heart and fulfills EVERY need that you may feel.  He is our ultimate lover.  My heart goes out to those who don't feel the love that surrounds them.  I want you to know that it's there.  He's there.  And He wants you to come to Him so He can comfort you and love on you.

As for our patience issue, Romans 8:28 (can you tell I really like Romans:)?) says "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Take that deep in your heart and let it rest there.

Hello my lovelies! First off, I want to start by saying, how awesome is the power of God? He seriously is rocking my world today, and it's only Wednesday.  He is so faithful and merciful! As much as I love to share what is going on in my life with this blog, I pray that it is encouragement for those of you who need it.  Life is rough. I'll be the first to admit that.  But we definitely do NOT have to go through it alone.  So my prayer is that this is encouragement for anyone out there who needs a little help today.  You are beautiful.  You are handsome.  You are smart.  You were created for something bigger than you can imagine.  Never, EVER forget how precious you are. You are a jewel and a treasure in God's eyes and I'm sure someone else's as well.

Recently, I've been going through a time where I was not quite walking on God's path for me.  I wasn't way off course, but I hasn't on the gravel road.  I was more on the edge.  My parents had talked to me about it one night and as much as it hurt to hear some of the things they were telling me, they were right.  And honestly, I felt so blessed I have the amazing parents I do that they CAN tell me that and have to confidence in God and in themselves as parental guardians to be honest with me.  Since I took to heart what they told me, I really decided to start working on this whole spend time with God EVERYDAY deal. And guess what?! AMAZING things started happening.  Spending time with Him not only brought blessings in so many ways, but everyday I wake up and am more and more thirsty for Him.  Today, I realized I just want to go somewhere different with only my Bible, pen, journal and NO PHONE and worship until I have no energy left.  I've felt like this the past few days and I don't want it to change!  I feel like I have fallen in love with Him all over again! I know this is only the beginning of an incredible journey I have coming up.  I have met a new friend that is going to The King's University at Gateway with me, I have amazing opportunities that God has put before me, He is rocking my socks off!

God has something special He wants to show you.  I know He does.  The talents you have been blessed with and the character God formed in you is specific to YOU.  He has a plan that only you can fulfill because He has called someone with YOUR talents and YOUR character to be where He has called you.  Run after it.  Run after it with open arms and an open heart of His grace.  Even if you are at the lowest of the low in your life, that is the BEST time to run to Him.  He wants to mend your broken heart.  He is ALWAYS there fore you and is ALWAYS listening.  You have a beautiful spirit and He will use that for His kingdom. You are not alone, precious child. Look for that light at the end of the tunnel.

Taking Things for Granted

Well, the time finally came.  The day that I have literally been DREAMING about since school started.  I graduated high school.  Thirteen years of work, studying, tests, quizzes...It's all done.  Now I am entering in the season of branching out and becoming an adult.  College.  If you ask some what their perspective on college is, you will get a very biased answer.  I mean, that's pretty much how anything is now a days right?  But know thing I'm learning is to not take what you have for granted.  It has always been something I've had on my heart after my dad died and I want to show others that same thing.  The time you have now, this very moment, is a time you will never get back again.  Teens, you're young, beautiful, alive and active.  So go out there and start living!  Adults, you've started this life of a career, possibly married, perhaps a kid or two.  Look at that beauty!  You have a paying job, a family, what more could you need?  Senior citizens, now I am only 18 so I have no idea what y'all have seen and been through, but I know some of the things God can do.  Y'all have been on this earth so much longer than us, we look up to you! Every move you make, every sound you make, we just want to live a long and successful life like y'all have.  


The world definitely is not a perfect place. Far from it.  But it's the world we live in.  So let's make it the best we've got.  There maybe a day when everything and every second is going the complete opposite of what you want.  Embrace it.  At least you are going through something you can handle.  And at least you know you can wake up the next day and know it is a new day.  As far as everything else? Be thankful!:) You never know when your last breath will be.  Make every second count.


Now please keep in mind, I'm saying all of this in consideration.  Don't have you're mid life crisis as a 25 year old and go crazy.  Please don't do that.  But still have fun:) It is completely possible to have fun that is safe, godly, adventurous and appropriate all at the same time.  Trust me, I've been having the time of my life for the past few months.  I've gotten so much closer to a certain group of friends from school, I've gotten closer to my family, and I have gotten so much closer to my best friends.  God gives us so many blessings in just one day.  Tonight, take time to count them and thank Him for them.  It makes all the difference in the world, I promise.